


i saw you in a dream

by naqtuo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29384889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naqtuo/pseuds/naqtuo
Summary: Hajime sees Oikawa in his dreams, it isn't the same but it is enough.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	i saw you in a dream

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! this is my first work for the haikyuu fandom and I'm super nervous but happy at the same time !! english isn't my first language so please be nice !! while reading you can listen to "i saw you in a dream" by the japanese house if you want <3

Hajime woke up from the dream, frightened, and with a squeezed heart, just like the night before and the night before that, he didn't understand. The dream was not always the same, sometimes it took the form of memories and sometimes of longing. The dreams themselves were nice, he couldn't categorize them as nightmares because they weren't scary, however, he would have preferred a thousand times to dream of a zombie invasion where they capture him to remove his brain than to dream of Oikawa.

Oikawa remained the same in his dreams, just like in his third year, with his pale skin and his curls on that head full of ideas, undoubtedly he was going very fast and Hajime was left behind. There, in the dream world, Oikawa was with him, close by, smiling at him sincerely and playing with his hair tenderly. He remembers that almost in most dreams, Oikawa always acknowledges him and tells him _"You have changed"_ but Hajime doesn't understand, he doesn't ask either because he is afraid of the answer, he nods his head and lets himself be guided by the hand he used to hold tightly before.

Dreams should be just that, just dreams, unattainable desires, or simple imagination, like wanting to defeat a dragon or belong to royalty, too bad for some the dreams felt so real that they didn't want to wake up or, wished to wake up. Hajime still has no answer for that, he doesn't know what he wants, all he knows is that he wants Oikawa and Oikawa is miles away from him, on another continent.

He wakes up with pain, the disappointment of himself, he wakes up and it's all so sad, not even the sunny days can cheer him up. The California weather is hot and little by little the sheets start to suffocate him, he gets out of bed feeling weak and doesn't bother to tidy up, he will do it later. He goes into the bathroom and after ten minutes he gets out of there and goes to the kitchen, he does not prepare his traditional Japanese breakfast because foreign food is much easier to prepare and he is used to it, although he misses having rice and tofu for breakfast, considering it is Saturday, he knows he can do it but the urge does not accompany him and he ends up eating unsweetened cereal with some milk.

It's his third-year summer vacation and he fiddles with the remote looking for something to watch, leaves the TV on an old alien movie by _accident_ , and eats his breakfast. He could visit Miyagi like last year, but he had heard Mrs. Oikawa say he might come just this year and Hajime's stomach turned, he'll ask his parents to come, it's better.

He hasn't spoken to him in months and he'd be lying if he said he doesn't miss his shrill, stupid voice, he tells himself he doesn't have to listen to that "Iwa-chan" anymore but it's weird. He thinks he's going to cry but he doesn't because he's not that kind of boy. His breakfast finishes and for the first time that day, he notices the clock since he didn't bother to look at the time on his phone. 9:36 a.m.

He sighs in exhaustion and laughs a little because he hasn't done anything to be tired, he decides to put some music on his smart TV and a song that Oikawa used to listen to, plays, but of course, it's a _fluke_. He turns the volume up a bit so it can be heard in his room, tidies up a bit, and sprays the mint ice cream scented air freshener, Oikawa's favorite that he bought at the supermarket by _accident._

He gets out of the shower and feels less heavy, but the melancholy feeling doesn't go away. The music continues to play at a moderate volume and he allows himself to sing a little as he dresses, a simple sweatsuit with a sweatshirt and black socks. He goes back to the living room and switches YouTube for Netflix, looking for something to watch, his cell phone is still in the room and he doesn't want to look at it, not when he knows no notification is from him.

He doesn't want to blame himself but it's not something he can avoid, if he had done more, maybe now he would be asking Oikawa what movie he can watch. He remembers that they both decided to talk to each other every day and tell each other things, it sounded easier said than done, the hours of difference played against them and little by little the conversations died and the messages took up to a whole day to answer, neither of them made the effort to talk more and with time, Hajime understood that things had to be like this, even if he didn't like them.

He doesn't know at what point he started crying until he felt he could no longer see the screen because of the tears, his hand was shaking holding the controller and he had a lot of self-control not to want to smash it against the floor. If there was a word that described at this moment what he felt, it was helpless, he was crying with rage and the unspoken words got stuck in his throat again, he didn't want this to happen because he never planned it, he didn't want it to be this way and he didn't know how to change and if there was any solution, he was too cowardly to take the first step, he was always like this.

Hajime's first kiss was with a girl, a classmate, when he was seven years old, she was the same height and her hair fell over her shoulders in two low pigtails, she was pretty but nothing and no one was cuter than Oikawa. The girl's lips were glued to his before he could react, they were quickly parted by a shrill "Iwa-chan!". The little girl darted out of his sight after that and turned his head to see that Oikawa was looking at him, with an ugly expression on his face and his hands made into fists at his sides. Oikawa did not speak to him in several days.

_"The kiss was disgusting" is the first thing he says when he meets Oikawa at his house, thanks to their mothers getting together to drink tea._

_Oikawa looked at him with his brown sapphires and stuck his tongue out at him._

_"I'm still angry," he says, crossing his arms over his chest._

_Hajime frowns. "But why? I don't like her and I don't talk to her anymore."_

_"I wanted to be Iwa-chan's first kiss!" whines the smaller boy, scrunching up his face at the memory of a slimy girl kissing his best friend._

_Hajime reflects and approaches Oikawa to poke his arm for attention; Oikawa looks at him with a raisin face._

_"Maybe you can't be the first, but you can be the best."_

_Oikawa's eyes sparkled at the word "best" because it was obvious, he was the best._

_More than a kiss, it was a lip touch where both boys felt an electric current running through their petite bodies, Oikawa had his eyes closed tightly as he saw in his mom's movies and Hajime kept them open, laughing inwardly at Oikawa's face._

_The little guy with the curls broke away and looked at him with a blush on his face. "Better?"_

_Hajime nodded. "Better"_

The thought made Hajime cry harder and regret not making good use of the time because he always thought they would be together, or something like that. As much as it pained him to admit, he knows better, deep down, he knew that Oikawa wouldn't be by his side for the rest of his life, because Oikawa was his own person and he wouldn't settle for anything, he would seek more and more and more and more and Hajime was going to be left behind because it was unnecessary.

Oikawa Tooru was weak in the eyes of many, even to himself, but Hajime knows better. He was with him when a bug landed on Oikawa's arm at the age of ten, he was with him when Kageyama came and threatened to take his spot, he was with him when they lost their chance to go to nationals, but in each of those scenarios, Oikawa knew how to stand up on his own. Oikawa Tooru was never weak.

He dried his tears and curled up on the couch with a cushion, more memories came to his mind and he let them be in the form of comfort. He never liked to see Oikawa cry but the fact that he was the one wiping his tears made his chest fill with pride because Oikawa needed him. Hajime back then was a bit necessary for Oikawa, sneaking into his room to sleep with him because he had a bad dream and "Iwa-chan is comfortable and I don't have nightmares" back then his life was simpler.

He slept for a couple of hours, however, he didn't dream anything about Oikawa but he did dream that he could control Godzilla to defeat other titans, he woke up in a good mood and looked at the time, 1:45 p.m, good time to prepare food and make a list of what he could do for the rest of the day.

The night came slower than he expected, the stars were a bit visible but it didn't compare to home, he lay in bed with headphones plugged into his phone, it was too early to sleep and he didn't want to sleep either, he didn't want to dream about Oikawa and wake up sad again, but the universe didn't want him to.

He saw him again in his dream or a memory or a scenario of his imagination, Hajime didn't know anymore. This time, Oikawa was under a sakura tree with no one else around, his chocolate eyes fixed on him and he ran into his arms, gladly receiving him. It was the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision, because Oikawa was beautiful, inside and out.

As a child, his mother had taught him to take care of beautiful and delicate things, his neighbor was beautiful and delicate, although over the years he questioned that. He became wild but in a strangely cute way, as wild as a lion, a tiger, or even better, a peacock full of colorful feathers. As usual, Hajime helped his mom take care of the flowers in her garden, he tried not to cut them but the urge was strong, as he wanted to put it in his friend's crazy hair, more than once he did it, apologizing to the plant afterward.

Hajime always liked to look at Oikawa, when they were children, he could never take his eyes off him, he was just like the sun and he was in its orbit, like a mosquito attracted to the light. As he grew older, he became ashamed of that and would never admit to him that he spent most of the day with his eyes on him, just so as not to boost his ego. Likewise, as they started to become intimate, words flowed out of his mouth like a river, his favorite thing about the day was being able to cuddle with Oikawa and whisper in his ear or between his bush of hair, how cute he was.

He struggled to wake up because he was drowning in tears, he could feel his eyelids stuck together refusing to open and his face wet with saltwater disappearing into his neck. He snapped his eyes open and the air settled in his lungs, he was greeted by his dark curtains and the few posters he had on the walls, he sighed as he had done so many times before and decided to start his day, he hoped it wouldn't be so slow.

At dinner time, he ate some ramen and accompanied it with a cup of vanilla tea, another coincidence because it was one of Oikawa's favorites. He mentally beat himself up for not stop thinking about him. All good things come to an end, Hajime just thought this would last, too bad Oikawa came and went so fast just like a shooting star.

Whenever he wakes up, he can't completely disconnect and it's like he's living in the dream, more than once he has hallucinated Oikawa in his apartment that he thought he was going crazy.

It isn't the same but it is enough, he tells himself by way of consolation.

Night came as usual, slowly and surely, giving way to the illumination of the streets and the moon accompanied by stars, he found himself looking at them once again, pointing out the few constellations he learned with Oikawa.

He wondered if Oikawa would come again to visit him, as he used to take his time to reappear, sometimes he would play with him and appear when he was about to wake up, he would call his name but Oikawa seemed to ignore him, he wasn't listening to him and he was amused by that, the smile never left his face.

Hajime knows he shouldn't try anymore, because it's not good for him and no doubt Oikawa is better off without him, without that weight holding him back, it's a waste of time.

He sees him again in the dream world, Oikawa is standing on a bridge while sakura petals fall just like snow, falling petals in his hair and giving him a delicate and precious touch, he thinks he is going to cry but he is afraid to blink and Oikawa will go away, walk away again and leave him alone.

He loves that boy so much that now he is trapped in another dimension with him, where they are both together and happy, where Oikawa is eternal and completely his, his as he had claimed so many times when they made love, Oikawa's sapphires were shining thanks to the few tears and his face was a grimace of pleasure, back then it was all easier or so he wanted to believe.

It was always more than he could chew, more than he could have and yet he wasn't satisfied, he wanted more from Oikawa.

The separation was a little difficult, a little because he wanted to be selfish and not have to be separated from Oikawa, but he couldn't do that to him. He remembers how lit up Oikawa's face was when he said he was going to Argentina, he questioned again if he could make his face look so happy, the answer was no, of course not.

The dream world allows him to have everything he always wanted, it allows him to be with the love of his life without having to worry about other things.

It isn't the same but it is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hi again!! i hope you guys enjoyed this as much as i did, this idea came to me while i was thinking about post time skip iwaoi with oikawa in argentina and iwaizumi missing him, if this goes well i can write more things in the future !!
> 
> don't be shy to comment !!
> 
> sooo bye <3


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